Closing the loop.

I was in NC working on a Hydrogen powered super-yacht when I decided to visit my Mother.

It was late December, 2019. I had a last dinner at the local Chinese restaurant where I noticed that someone had just returned from the airport, as their bags were in the kitchen way and hugs were being had all around. I heard the word, “Wuhan” said to one of the cooks. I’ve done a little business in China so I pay attention to details like that.

The next day I drove north and arrived at my childhood home with great trepidation, as I had not visited in many years. Not since my father had passed. Mother looked great and did her best to make everything perfect. I jumped in trying to do all the little handyman fixes I could and shovel all the snow. Soon Xmas came and went. As I unwound, more and more years of stress and loss began to lift. I felt safe in my basement bunker, sleeping on a camping cot. Being underground was working.

I noticed something new in my inner soul. I realized that I had never felt as much peace inside upon returning to my hometown and parents. It was a gift really.

New Years Eve arrived and I felt very tired. I came down with the Flu. For the next two weeks I was ill and I remember thinking “Hey, this is a weird flu”. I remembered feelings I had as a child, when I got sick for the first time. I felt a little scared. I had vertigo for two days and the after effects for another three days. Loss of appetite and tiredness with a few moments of fever. My mother was more worried than I was. Frankly I just assumed that maybe I had come home to die, it made sense, and in a way a big part of me did die.

A full circle had been closed in my life and I was granted time for a new circle, albeit probably a shorter one.

I have spent the last year and a half letting go of the past, not worrying about the future and just focusing on the now. Almost every time I felt myself slipping into old roles and behaviors I noticed it, and sometimes Mother and I laughed at each other and made comments about how ridiculous it was, compared to what was happening in the world.

Caring for Mother and myself, cooking, gardening, cleaning, fixing and talking about everything in a positive fashion, and most of all digging out the old hurts and misunderstandings while forging a new relationship with my family have been some of the most rewarding events of my life and I have decided to just cash it all in, and stay here.

Disconnecting from the TV, internet, and social media while letting go of the job/career and desires to be successful, has allowed me to integrate all of the fear and loathing that is being pumped into the world and has shown me what really matters. Thank goDz for family homes. There is nothing more destructive to humanity than the rat-race hustle.

As we approach the fall of the Empire I recommend that all loving and caring humans form localized groups of farming communities and focus on hard assets and soft relationships, based on fairness, compassion and love. If it can work for a savage like me then it’s surely the way for many, AND the side-effects are life affirming.

Getting there involves Letting Go. Ergo Ego.